cindy the erotic pleaser

imagine how excited i was to read this week's portland mercury interview with cindy the erotic pleaser. she has always been somewhat of a mystery to me and has held a special place in my heart. i should probably provide a little bit of background info for history's sake.


in february of 2005 i moved to the great city of portland, oregon. i immediately became fascinated by cindy the erotic pleaser's advertisements in the back of the portland mercury. every week i would stare at her ads in amazement and would wonder what "TOTAL GFE EXPERIENCED" meant. i was dazzled by her voluptuous poses and the friendly smirk that graced her weathered face. there was just something special about cindy - she stood out from the other whores on page 50 and i felt an immediate connection with her. not a sexual connection, mind you, but i felt like we could be friends, maybe even BFFs. one day i was sitting at george's tavern with some friends and i decided to call cindy to ask her if she wanted to play apples to apples with us. i told her there would be "two girls and a guy" and she sounded a bit hesitant and nervous. "oh...um...i don't usually do that!" she then agreed to meet us and told me her rate. i can't quite remember exactly what it was, but i think it was just under $100 an hour and i thought that sounded pretty resonable. i informed her that i would need to discuss it with my friends first and get back to her. i never got back to cindy and i thought that i would never have the chance to see her again.

in august of 2005 i was walking down burnside and saw an enormous woman heading towards me. i assumed it was a man with a blonde wig because she was taller than me, but no! it was cindy! you would have thought that elvis was walking down the street if you had seen the smile on my face. here she was, my idol, walking towards me and i couldn't quite find the right words to greet her. "i want to play apples to apples with you," i thought. uh, no, i couldn't say that. everything seemed to be in slow motion and suddenly cindy disappeared inside a strip club. poof, gone. vanished into thin air. i have not run into cindy at all since august of 2005 and sadly i haven't thought of her much since then. today i was happy to read that my old friend cindy is doing well, though, and she seems to be quite happy with her career. i hope some day we can sit down for a game of apples to apples and discover the true meaning behind total GFE experienced.