Beauty and Grace embrace me

I'm going to have all of this to myself very soon, all for the price of a Motel 6. I don't know whether to be happy about this or to shoot my brains out while fucking a hooker?

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Beauty and grace embrace you at The Venetian, a masterpiece of exquisite luxury and impeccable service. The 36-story Venetian hotel tower sets the standard for suites and upscale amenities.

* Approximately 1400 square feet
* 170 square foot Bathroom
* Double door entrance with all Italian marble foyer
* Powder Room off the entryway
* A plush king-sized pillow-top bed
* Egyptian cotton sheets and a 400 count wool throw
* One 32” flat-screen LCD HDTV in the Bedroom
* One 42” flat-screen plasma HDTV in the Living Room
* One 32” flat-screen LCD HDTV in the Dining Area
* Jetted tub with separate glass-enclosed shower
* Adjacent water closet with telephone
* Double sink vanity
* Bath amenities by Agraria San Francisco™
* Comfortable robes and oversized bath sheets
* Sunken Living Room
* Semi-formal dining area with seating for four
* Complete wet bar
* Full-sized sofa-sleeper (based on availability)
* Oversized coffee table and ottoman
* Private work area with:
- Dual-line telephone
- Wireless high-speed internet access
- Personal fax / printer / copier
* CD player / alarm clock
* Remote-controlled Roman shades and curtains
* Fully-stocked refreshment center
* In-suite safe

Deep Thoughts from a First Grader

My parents are moving, which means they are digging through all of my childhood crap that's been stored in the attic for years and are giving it to me to sort through. To my surprise, my mom kept all of my old art, report cards, journals, cabbage patch kids, books, awards, etc. Here are some excerpts from some old journals from 1st and 2nd grade. Perhaps I'll scan some old art stuff later (apparently I was really into drawing unicorns and the California raisins).

This year I plan to help my mom and dad and not my brother and be good at school. When I grow up going to be a artist and a nurse. I always have fun when I play with my frinds and ride my bike and color. On Halloween night I have to be carrful for strangers. I like November because we get to visit or famly. I wudent like to be a lizird because they look ugly. I helped keep my heart strong to excercice and eat food and don't take drugs. The world would be a better place if there wasint such thing as fire and strangers and drugs. The best movie I ever seen was Grimlins and Karatie kid part 1 and two and pewies big a vencher. If I had fifdie dollers I would bye a pet and a cabbig pach kid swing and stroller.

yesterday at art we made snowmans. if today wasin't school I would be playing at Tasha's. I like the man who plays the computer. My class mates like the way I run. I like to learn about Dinasaurs. The thing I like about Feb. is Valentines Day and going to the snow. It makes me sad when I get teased. I think its mean to get into somones lunch cause its not nice to do it. It makes me nurvice when I think about school. Today we might get a popcorn party and a vidieo. One time I got hurt when I fell down onto the glass and rocks and dirt. The nicest thing I did to someone was I played with them. I think the most importent class rule is to be a good student. I'm glad that we get 4 days off of school. Mrs. Moeller always gets mad when we do something bad if I was a teacher for a day I would be doing art. I would ask Abraham Lincoln is being a president fun. I wish school was over so I can go to my cousins house. I think the hardest job in the world is walking to school. If I had a day to do anything I wanted I would ride my bike and go to Toys' are us and I would get a tape called Friday the 13th. If I was taller I would reach the top shelf and touch the seeling and I would be the tallest one in my class. On the way to school today I saw a tracter. I wish school was over cause I could go spend the night at my friends house and we would have fun. I always have fun when I go over to my friends house to play and watch a movie and go to my grandma's and go to Disneyland and play soccer. This is what I think about steelling It is not nice to do It and the person who owns it will feel sad. Dogs probily get tired of walking and sleeping. My best friend does not like it when I kick the ball out of her hands. If I had a magic car I would want It to take me to the other side of the world. If the moon could talk I wonder if it could tell me how it is up there and how cold is it and is it fun up there. If I was a radio anounser I would tell the people that there was a tornado in canses and it would rain in Loomis and in Sacramento and Rosville. It is hard for me to be quiet cause everyone is talking to me. When rainbows disappear I think they go in the clouds. The first thing I'm doing when I grow up is go to the Dating Game. Rad.

Oh, and here's an excerpt from a teacher's aide who was apparently stocking me on the playground and observing me (wtf?):

Describe her relationshiop with the other children:
She was friendly. Intermingled with who ever was around her at the time. Liked Talking "silly" & laughing with others. Did a lot of imitating - if Casey drew funny & fast - she drew the same way, then they giggled! She only got upset with Robbie - they seem to "egg" each other on. [Note: Robbie was my preschool boyfriend]

Outdoor Play:
9:00 She enjoyed the jungle gym. Talked "silly" with the 2 other girls on it. Liked being on the top [that's what she said]. Was not afraid of the height. Swung by her knees. She talked about "going to the hospital." Was the leader of the girls with her. "Let's go to the play house now." Played happily with 5 other girls on the playhouse. Shared with Allison when she asked for more "dirt" Used the expression "I don't care - We don't care" a lot.

CONCENTRATION ZONE! (weird email from weird co-worker)

To: Staff
Subject: Don't poke the rattlesnake...

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Hey, Guys! Most of you here in the Portland office no doubt have noticed that I keep my door closed a lot. Do not be discouraged! It just so happens that I'm very bad at tuning out noises (hence, my annoying propensity for eaves dropping & jumping into other people's conversations) and need to be in a more quiet space to do my work. Well, either that or I've got some tunes cranked and don't want to disturb others.

Anyway, for your convenience there is a sign in the window to the right of my door that says either "Welcome" on the bluish green side or "Concentration Zone" on the red side. Most of the time, the Welcome sign will be displayed and that means "Come on in!" For those of you that prefer color coding, just remember Green means Go! I will try to have the Welcome sign displayed most all of the time and you don't have to knock or worry about interrupting me--truly do just come on in.

On the other hand, if the Concentration Zone sign is up, please acknowledge that I am working on something so critical that I cannot be interrupted. Please DO NOT interrupt me when this sign is up--I promise that it will only be up if I really can't be disturbed. Red means Stop! Interrupting me at that time is the equivalent of attempting to poke a rattlesnake in the eye with a toothpick. Please feel free to check my calendar and send me an appointment request so we can get together at a different time to chat.

Thank you in advance for paying attention to the signage and do know that I truly enjoy talking with each of you and hope to do so often---just not when I'm in the Concentration Zone!

Have a Fabulous Weekend!