New Career Path

I've been contemplating my next career move and have been thinking about some ideas that might thrive in the Portland market.  Here are just a few examples of ideas that you will not steal from me:


Start a cart called Un/employed Sandwiches.  There will be a suggested donation of $2-$3 for the unemployed and $5-$7 for the employed, but people can give what they can afford.  The sandwiches will be fucking good and fucking local/sustainable/organic/straight from a farm/cage free/pesticide free/and shit like that.  I will also set up Wii Rock band that will be projected onto the side of my cart for the unemployed.  For a $2 suggested donation, I will also sit down with you and take a look at your resume and give the unemployed some bullshit advice on how to spice it up a notch.  The unemployment rate is at 10.5%, so I figure 90% of my customers will be giving me more than $3.

Start a business called Breakfast by Bike.  I will have strong partnerships and relationships with the Screen Door and the Tin Shed.  You email me your breakfast request (preferably the night before), and I'll deliver it by bike to your bedroom (creepy?) sometime after 10am.  You avoid the hour long wait in line, and you eat delicious breakfast in bed. 

Start a business called Thai by Bike.  Same concept as the above, except I deliver Thai food instead.  Currently, there is no Thai delivery in Portland that I know of and there's about 10,000 Thai restaurants.  What's up with that?

Start a Hipster Makeover service.  You discreetly pay me to come over to your house while your 5 roommates are out and I criticize your itunes music collection.  Then we take a trip to the Goodwill bins and I turn you into a Hipster Douchebag, while signing a contract that I will never tell your friends that we met.

Start a Groceries by Bike business.  You submit your grocery and farmer's market requests to me on my website, I deliver it to your door after you get off of work.  I will also add an additional Shrink by Bike service and will sit down with you on your couch and listen to you as you rant about your work day or (lack of) love life and I will offer my candid advice and a free hug.

I forgot..

I forgot how much I hate job hunting.  I suppose I should be thankful for nearly 4 years of not having to do it.  There are many things I would rather be doing than job hunting...

1.  Eating dogshit.  yes, I would eat some dogshit now if it meant I didn't need to job hunt.
2.  Getting stung by 5 bees.
3.  Watching Dr. Phil.  Ew.  To be honest, I would rather eat dogshit than watch Dr. Phil.  But I would still rather watch Dr. Phil than job hunt.
4.   Drinking Coors Light every week for a year.
5.  Going to church.  Wait....maybe not.  Scratch that.

Bach shirt

 

a shirt i made for a friend.

 

Subject: Hi ur Free Tomorrow

WTF

Did I really just find out that my uncle is now married via Facebook?  Even his sisters did not know.  What a lame way to announce to your family.

Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do

Facebook told me that this picture was "too tall or too skinny."  Whatevz.

Jcrew Models

Why are Jcrew models always so pissed off and hungry?

Ugh

How do I prevent Chinese people from posting spam on my blog? It is really annoying.

Bumper Sticker

a little somethin' I designed today. Inspired by @BPglobalPR on Twitter.

Alotta Fachina

I think Beyonce or Destiny's Child really needs to write a song about "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." I can hear it now, "All the woman who are gettin' pregnant, throw your hands up at meeee!"

This book should be required reading for anyone that falls into one of these categories:

- you are trying to get pregnant
- you are trying to NOT get pregnant
- you have a vagina
- you are in a relationship with someone that has a vagina

After 2 friends (one who is trying to get pregnant, and another who is trying NOT to) recommended this to me, I finally put it on hold at the library. I could not put this book down and read it all in one day. I wish someone would have told me about this stuff, oh, say 15 years ago (and I had what I thought was a pretty comprehensive sex education). But...better late than never, I suppose. Jesus Christ.

Srsly.

:`( pt 2

Happy Fiscal New Year

We had a party at work today inspired by this article in the Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/accountants-pack-times-square-for-fiscal-new-year,356/

spanish soap opera

my work feels very much like a spanish soap opera in the past 2 weeks. i think i might implode from all of the drama and gossip. :`(

fugly

here's my fugly coloring contest entry. it was a bitch to color, so i kind of gave up in the end.

3 yr anniversary

It's my 3 yr anniversary at my current job. My co-worker just sent me this ecard.



That is exactly what I look like in a power suit.

a substance known as pie

Is this Spam?

I just received this email in my inbox. Haven't opened it yet. I just can't quite tell if it's spam or not.

(click pic to enlarge)

iPad

I don't care.