michael ian black (very famous)

reenactment

me: hi, can you sign mine, too?
michael: of course!
me: thanks!
michael: what's your name?
me: i'm melinda
michael: is it okay if i write "let's spoon"?
me: whoa, yes! i love the band, spoon! they're my favorite!
michael: oh, well, okay then!
me: thanks so much! do you mind if i act like a total nerd and get a picture with you?
michael: no problem. of course!

meth addicts

reenactment of a conversation i had last night at walgreen's pharmacy in the state of oregon:

me: hi, i'd like to buy some sudafed. the real sudafed, not sudafed pe.

pharmacist: you can't buy that here.

me: i know i can't buy it on the shelf anymore, but i was told i could ask you for it behind the counter and show my ID.

pharmacist: no, it's considered a controlled substance in the state of oregon because of meth. you have to drive up to washington if you want to purchase it. they close in 30 minutes.

me:

i can has cure, plz?

i've had some sort of crazy death flu/cold thing since last monday. i'm at work today because i've already missed enough work, but it seems to only be getting worse (even after a week)? the fever/aches are gone, but now i have the cough from hell, i'm losing my voice, and according to abbey, my fellow colleague, i sound like a man who has smoked 50 packs of cigs everyday of my life. my boss just looked at me and informed me that my eyeballs are all red and disgusting.

i'm convinced that i look and sound like a cross between this lady:



and this man:




i've already been to the doctor, which didn't help, so i guess i'll just wait it out another week...or something.

the most dramatic bus ride ever

it is NEVER a good idea to wear ridiculously short running shorts on the bus in the morning. especially when the sides of your shorts are cut all the way to the hips exposing your shriveled scrotum, like 2 raisins drying in the morning sunlight.


barf.

it's me, mario

top 5 facts about mario lopez

1. mario appeared on the golden girls as a student of dorothy's, preparing for deportation.

2. in 1991 mario lopez was on american gladiators, where he survived the 3 round competition winning $20,000.

3. as late as 2001, lopez' likeness was featured in the disneyland attraction space mountain in anaheim. he played a space captain that informed guests of the adventure-to-come while they waited in queue for the ride.

4. on March 12, 2007, lopez auditioned in a not-for-air episode of the price is right to take over for the retiring bob barker.

5. mario guest-starred as a plastic surgeon who drives christian troy to jealousy when he sees him naked in the shower in an episode of nip tuck during the show's fourth season, which began in fall 2006. after appearing on nip tuck, the nude shots from the shower scene appeared on the internet, but only his buttocks are exposed.

--

in other news, i went to the beach this past weekend and ran into mario lopez.


here he is in his banana hammock




mario, in an effort to prepare for his audition for the role of pablo (a sex slave on the bold and the beautiful), ripped off his banana hammock and laid out on his bear skin rug next to us.

myspazz

what my myspace profile would look like if i was a 15 year old boy...

i'm famous

check it out, i was on the news last night