I don't know why...

..but I feel the need to post this picture of my dad that was taken in 1977. El.Oh.El.

Oh, Beavertron.

Job Title: Social Media Marketing Specialist
Job Location: Beaverton

REQUIREMENTS:
* Bachelor's Degree in Journalism, Communications, English or closely related field
* Minimum of 3 years experience in a marketing environment that included copywriting, reporting editorial copy creation, technical writing, public relations or closely related work
* An equivalent combination of education and experience may be considered
* Skills to communicate specialized and technical information in both oral and written format to a broad audience
* Skills to educate and train a wide range of individuals in the company's core markets via effective oral and written communication skills

PREFERRED:
* Current shooting / hunting and birding / observation experience
* Familiarity with firearms

New Career Path

I've been contemplating my next career move and have been thinking about some ideas that might thrive in the Portland market.  Here are just a few examples of ideas that you will not steal from me:


Start a cart called Un/employed Sandwiches.  There will be a suggested donation of $2-$3 for the unemployed and $5-$7 for the employed, but people can give what they can afford.  The sandwiches will be fucking good and fucking local/sustainable/organic/straight from a farm/cage free/pesticide free/and shit like that.  I will also set up Wii Rock band that will be projected onto the side of my cart for the unemployed.  For a $2 suggested donation, I will also sit down with you and take a look at your resume and give the unemployed some bullshit advice on how to spice it up a notch.  The unemployment rate is at 10.5%, so I figure 90% of my customers will be giving me more than $3.

Start a business called Breakfast by Bike.  I will have strong partnerships and relationships with the Screen Door and the Tin Shed.  You email me your breakfast request (preferably the night before), and I'll deliver it by bike to your bedroom (creepy?) sometime after 10am.  You avoid the hour long wait in line, and you eat delicious breakfast in bed. 

Start a business called Thai by Bike.  Same concept as the above, except I deliver Thai food instead.  Currently, there is no Thai delivery in Portland that I know of and there's about 10,000 Thai restaurants.  What's up with that?

Start a Hipster Makeover service.  You discreetly pay me to come over to your house while your 5 roommates are out and I criticize your itunes music collection.  Then we take a trip to the Goodwill bins and I turn you into a Hipster Douchebag, while signing a contract that I will never tell your friends that we met.

Start a Groceries by Bike business.  You submit your grocery and farmer's market requests to me on my website, I deliver it to your door after you get off of work.  I will also add an additional Shrink by Bike service and will sit down with you on your couch and listen to you as you rant about your work day or (lack of) love life and I will offer my candid advice and a free hug.

I forgot..

I forgot how much I hate job hunting.  I suppose I should be thankful for nearly 4 years of not having to do it.  There are many things I would rather be doing than job hunting...

1.  Eating dogshit.  yes, I would eat some dogshit now if it meant I didn't need to job hunt.
2.  Getting stung by 5 bees.
3.  Watching Dr. Phil.  Ew.  To be honest, I would rather eat dogshit than watch Dr. Phil.  But I would still rather watch Dr. Phil than job hunt.
4.   Drinking Coors Light every week for a year.
5.  Going to church.  Wait....maybe not.  Scratch that.

Bach shirt

 

a shirt i made for a friend.

 

Subject: Hi ur Free Tomorrow

WTF

Did I really just find out that my uncle is now married via Facebook?  Even his sisters did not know.  What a lame way to announce to your family.