Technology and ME

I'm feeling conflicted. We're having this contest at work and the grand prize is a brand new snazzy iPhone. The contest ends this week and I'm tied for first place at the moment. I can easily win if I put in more effort, and I must say that I do love winning. I really want to beat the crap out of the woman I'm tied with because I'm super competitive with her (and I love watching crap fall out of women). But...I'm conflicted. The iPhone will change my life and I'm not really sure if I want to have it even though they are super cool and snazzy. Do I want to be constantly hooked up to the internet? Do I need GPS on my phone? Do I need to check my email while I'm pooping or buying a slurpee at 7-11? The answer is no, no I don't. I am perfectly happy with my ghetto phone that does not even have a camera or "the Googles" as my web-ignorant colleague would say. I'm old fashioned. Give me an iPhone with a rotary dial, and then I'll be happy. But...do I give up the rare opportunity to win something fo' free? I realize I should not be complaining or whining about this, and most people will want to stab my crotch for not coveting the iPhone with all of my body... but still. I kind of just want to win the contest for the sake of winning. A good old fashioned ass-whooping means more to me than an iPhone. Maybe I'll take the cash equivalent of what an iPhone is worth or donate my iPhone to my favorite homeless person. Who knows.

yearbook yourself

yearbookyourself.com

la bite

i love serge. i want to be him. i want to sit in my office all day, in black and white, pretending to smoke a cigarette. he could be singing about syphilis for all i know. it doesn't matter.

beating the heat

nature's air conditioning and beer refrigeration service is quite refreshing. who needs electricity when you can sit in a river and eat doritos all day.

i'm not an olympian and that's okay

it's weird to see an athlete that you used to compete against many moons ago now playing in the olympics. it makes me feel old and lazy. however, i've come to realize that there are many benefits to not being in the olympics:

1) you don't have to smile and pretend you are BFFs with george dubya bush.
2) ...or have your bum cheeks grabbed by him.
3) you don't have to be polite and eat monkey brains, dog, or octopus balls in your host country of china.
4) you don't have to play volleyball in 290% humidity and breathe in toxic poopy fumes, thus lengthening your life span compared to an olympic athlete, i'm sure.
5) no neck cramps due to weight of gold medals around your neck.
6) you don't have to display your perfect buttocks or 20 pack abs of steel to an international audience. you can flex those puppies in the privacy of your own apartment.
7) ben & jerrys ice cream plus doritos for dinner if i fucking feel like it, alright.

be still, my spaghetti heart

ten reasons it would rule to date a unicorn

my co-worker just sent me this website...it's beautiful :`(

http://tenreasonsitwouldruletodateaunicorn.com/