it's weird to see an athlete that you used to compete against many moons ago now playing in the olympics. it makes me feel old and lazy. however, i've come to realize that there are many benefits to not being in the olympics:
1) you don't have to smile and pretend you are BFFs with george dubya bush.
2) ...or have your bum cheeks grabbed by him.
3) you don't have to be polite and eat monkey brains, dog, or octopus balls in your host country of china.
4) you don't have to play volleyball in 290% humidity and breathe in toxic poopy fumes, thus lengthening your life span compared to an olympic athlete, i'm sure.
5) no neck cramps due to weight of gold medals around your neck.
6) you don't have to display your perfect buttocks or 20 pack abs of steel to an international audience. you can flex those puppies in the privacy of your own apartment.
7) ben & jerrys ice cream plus doritos for dinner if i fucking feel like it, alright.
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